Off The Record

After reflection, i decided to repost something i published a couple of months ago while in Poland but which i selfcensored due to the misunderstanding it could have generated. It was about the unintentional social pressure that i was feeling at that time resulting from people's expressed curiosity when seeing the peculiar creature that i am :). But now i would trade anything for a week in Fordon... :)

Here's the text:

Bydgoszcz, November 14

Yes, i have the blues... not because of the depressing cold weather, nor the fact that daytime here is a rumor (dark at 7 am and darker at 4.30 pm), not because i'm tired of my white 4m2 room's walls that remind me of the days -and God knows how many- spent in hospitals in Morocco, not even because of the fact that i'm left with less than 100 PLN Zloty (equivalent to $30) to survive for the next 2 weeks. I have the blues because i'm reminded everyday that i'm different... yeah we're all different, but here i feel (or "they" make me feel) more different than others,to the point that i get stressed everytime i'm thinking of doing what "normal" people do ; it strats at the airport and goes on when buying bus tickets or a finding a seat on the bus, asking for directions, time, or phone numbers:),answering the phone, opening the door to some random guy, let alone laughing, or even yawning!!! my heart starts to beat fast, i lose my words my good manners and sometimes my temper... i just feel like a red fish in a fish bawl; everyone sees it, trapped in some transparent bawl that it thinks unexistent, everyone is bigger, and more powerful... it's some kind of an Orwellian experience in post 9/11 Alabama... if you see what i mean...